Forgive me for the lack of a better post today. I have to admit that I am feeling more than a little overwhelmed. I have only started back at work three mornings a week but it has really gotten the best of me! My brain feels all muddled and I can’t seem to get anything done. I’ve been meaning to watch ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ with Sarah Jessica Parker to see how she does it but haven’t been able to find the time…
Seriously though, I’m pretty frustrated with my inability to get as much done at work as I used to. I love my job and I so badly want to be able to do all the things that I used to [at work] but I realize that it simply isn’t possible while working only three mornings a week. It’s been hard to even get the three mornings in.
My in-laws are providing child-care for us right now as my father-in-law is not currently working and they had been asking if they could watch our son when I went back to work since before he was born. I usually work Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings and had set that up for this week. On Monday night my mother-in-law mentioned that they needed to visit a distant family member that lives about an hour away on Wednesday and would just take my son with them. I said I wasn’t sure how that would go over but as long as they could put up with the possibility of a lot of screaming in the car then I suppose they could try. Then she mentioned that they would be back at 2pm and I became quite a bit more uneasy. I usually pick up my son from their house at about 12:30pm so we can be home by 1 when I nurse him and put him down for a nap. He has never been away from me for that long. When I thought more about it that night I decided the whole thing was a terrible idea and really wasn’t comfortable with it.
I’m able to pick my own hours at this point except for a weekly Wednesday morning meeting that I need to attend. This presented a problem since Wednesday was the day the in-laws were going out of town and I needed to find an alternate source of child care on short notice since I did not want to send him with them. I spoke with my husband to see if he could go into work an hour or so late so he could watch the baby during my meeting. This didn’t work out for him though as his job is quite busy in the morning. I spoke with my boss and he said he was unsure about whether we would be having the meeting anyways. Great- I arranged not to go in on Wednesday. Later Tuesday night though my boss sent around an email saying that the meeting would be held but I wouldn’t have to attend. That’s lovely and all but I wanted to attend. Also, we are having a huge sale at work starting today and I’m not quite ready for it.
I’m frustrated that I had to bow out of the meeting yesterday morning. I’m frustrated that I’m going to have to throw together some of the things I was responsible for that were supposed to have been taken care of yesterday. Part of me wants to put my kid in day-care full-time and go at my job full-tilt. The other part of me feels that that would be irresponsible since I’d only end up seeing my son for an hour each weeknight and on weekends if I did that. I wish my husband could switch to part time and bridge the gap in childcare but he has recently taken on some extra responsibilities in his job and has a shot at a big promotion right now (hopefully more on that later this week…) so the timing for that is quite bad. I am working on finding a permanent child-care solution so that this doesn’t happen in the future.
I’ve been trying to work at home as well but my brother-in-law is currently staying with us in my son’s room so my son is in our room where my home office is. We put up a room divider but he is a very light sleeper and the sound of typing often wakes him up leaving me with no time to work and a very fussy baby. We have decided to find a place for a desk downstairs (we have a small home and there isn’t a lot of room) and hopefully this will help me to be more productive. We are hoping to get that done this weekend.
The long and the short of it is that I feel like I’ve thrown away my ability to do my job and I’m having a pretty hard time dealing with that. Further, my brain feels a bit foggy lately and I’m having a hard time focusing when I do have baby-free time. I think this might be because of the recently discovered vitamin B deficiency so I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment to maybe get another B12 needle.
Have any of you felt this way after having kids and trying to return to the work force? How do you balance everything?